Construction Company

There was this Spanish guy, this Korean guy and this Russian guy all working for the same construction company. At the beginning of the day the boss comes out and says to the Spanish guy, “You’re in charge of the cement.”

Then he said to the Russian guy, “You’re in charge of the dirt.”

Then he said to the Korean guy, “You’re in charge of the supplies.”

Then he said, “I’m gonna be back at the end of the day to check on your work. It better be good or you’re fired.”

So they all go off to go get their work done.

At the end of the day, the boss comes back to check on their work. He looks at the big pile of cement and goes, “Good work,” to the Spanish guy. Then he looks at the big pile of dirt and says, “Good work,” to the Russian guy. Then he couldn’t find the Korean guy so he asks, “Where the heck is the Korean guy??”

All of a sudden, the Korean guy jumps out from behind the big pile of dirt and yells, ” SUPPLIES!”

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Steven Spielberg was sitting at a bar, having a couple drinks. Then an Asian guy walked in and sat down at the table behind him. A couple moment’s later, the drunk Spielberg walked up to the Asian guy and punched him!

Asian guy: WHAT THE HELL?!?! What did I do to you?
Spielberg: You stupid Japanese people! You bombed Pearl Harbor!
Asian guy: I’m not Japanese!! I’m Korean!
Spielberg: Japanese, Chinese, Korean; you’re all the same to me!

The Asian guy was soo pissed. He ordered a few drinks and soon became quite drunk. He walks up to Steven Spielberg this time, and gives him a punch.

Spielberg: WHAT DID I DO TO U?!
Asian guy: Oh nothing much, you just sunk the Titanic, you sick bastard!
Spielberg: That’s not me, you idiot! That was an iceberg!
Asian guy: Spielberg, Carlsberg, Iceberg; you’re all the same to me!

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A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.

"I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least five pounds."

When the blonde returns, she’s lost nearly 20 pounds.

"Why, that’s amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?"

The blonde nods. "I’ll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day." "From hunger, you mean?" said the doctor.

"No, from skipping," replied the blonde.

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An Army ranger was deployed to Afghanistan. While he was there he received a letter from his girlfriend. In the letter she explained that she had met another guy while he had been gone, she wanted to break up and she wanted pictures of herself back.

So the Ranger does what any squared away Ranger would do. He went around to his buddies and collected all the unwanted photos of women he could find. He then mailed about 25 pictures to his girlfriend with the following note:

"I’m sorry, I can’t remember which one you are, but please take the one that belongs to you and send the rest back. Thank you."

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Gorilla Removers

A man wakes up one morning and there’s a gorilla on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there’s an ad for "Gorilla Removers." He calls the number, and the gorilla remover says he’ll be over in 30 minutes.

The gorilla remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He’s got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull. "What are you going to do," the homeowner asks? "I’m going to put this ladder up against the roof, and then I’m going to go up there and knock the gorilla off the roof with this baseball bat. When the gorilla falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his nuts and not let go. The gorilla will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van." He hands the shotgun to the homeowner.

"What’s the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner. "If the gorilla knocks ME off the roof, shoot the dog!